


Dont let go

by wellpuffmycream



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Sad, but just go with it i suppose, nor am i clever, this isnt medically accurate because I'm not a doctor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-11-01 14:18:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10923567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wellpuffmycream/pseuds/wellpuffmycream
Summary: Kara promises Lena she'll never let go of her hand





	Dont let go

Lena’s alarm woke her at precisely 7:50. As she rubbed the sleep from her eyes she looked down at Kara who still had her eyes clamped shut. Lena moved a piece of hair gently from Kara’s face and smiled at the nose twitch which the movement elicited. She slowly moved out of bed, careful not to wake her. She wrapped Kara’s dressing gown around her body and slowly made her way through the house. Her light steps didn’t stop the landing from creaking each time she moved forward.  
As she got into the kitchen she flicked on the kettle and turned on the radio. A peaceful song which she recognised as Saturn by Sleeping at Last drifted through the kitchen. Her hands tightly gripped the counter and her eyes shut tightly trying to contain the tears of what today could bring. She willed herself not to cry and focused on the soft tune that was filling her ears. 

Kara soon woke up and reached to the other side of the bed which empty aside from the crumpled sheets that had been moved around during sleep. At first she panicked as Lena was not reading in bed as she usually does, but she soon relaxed as she heard the radio gently playing from downstairs. It was a song she and Lena both loved. As Kara became aware of what morning it was her breath hitched. She looked up to the ceiling and inhaled deeply, her fists clenching at the mere thought of what the results from today may be. 

 

Kara remembers the first day she and Lena met as if were yesterday. Her sister had dragged her to the opening of a small nightclub along with a couple of other friends. It wasn’t Kara’s scene and it never has been but that night was truly something special. A woman across the bar caught her eye, she was with someone else, laughing like she had no cares in the world. They met eyes and the woman smiled at her and tucked her hair behind her ear. It wasn’t until a couple of hours later when Kara took a step outside to leave her sister and her friends dancing. She saw the woman from across the bar leaning against the wall with a cigarette in hand, a puff of smoke dragging out into the cool air from her lips. Kara hesitated before slowly walking towards the woman. “Those things will kill you, ya know?” The woman startled and turned to look at Kara before smiling after recognising her.  
“You going to come over and save me from it then, Supergirl?” Kara laughed and that was the first time they ever spoke. The cold air wrapped around both of them but they didn’t notice because they were too wrapped up in each other.

 

Lena made her way back upstairs with two cups of tea in her hand, when she got into the bedroom she handed one to Kara who sent her a sleepy smile. Lena placed a kiss on her cheek and settled back into bed. “You’ve been crying.” It wasn’t a question, Kara had just stated it.

“So have you.” Lena brushed a tear from Kara’s face, she wasn’t aware when she had starting crying, she thought it was probably around the time she reached out and felt an empty bed. “We have to get up in a half hour if we’re going to make it in time.” Kara simply nodded and then opened her arms. Lena put her cup down and wriggled into them and hugged Kara back.

“Can we stay like this till then?” Kara whispered. Lena didn’t reply, she just stayed where she was.

 

Lena remembers the first date they ever went on. She was terrified to text Kara who had given her her number at the club a few days earlier. She decided there was no way some nerves would stop her from seeing that girl again so she asked her out. Kara responded immediately without hesitation. It was a Thursday night, both had finished work and were tired but neither of them bailed. It was a slow walk in the park with tentative hand brushes until Kara plucked the courage and gripped Lena’s tightly. She hesitated slightly and went to released Lena’s hand before she stopped her with a quiet “Don’t let go.” Lena can still see the small smile Kara had on her face after seeing her blush. They spoke about their lives and their jobs, they spoke about what makes them happy and what makes them sad and they spoke about what they wanted their futures to be. When Lena had walked Kara to her door she slowly leaned in a whispered “Can I kiss you?” Kara squealed quietly and nodded. Their noses brushed against each other’s and soon their lips were connected. It was soft and gentle and both smiled into the kiss. It was over all too soon as Lena bid Kara farewell and walked back to hers smiling the whole time.

 

The car ride was quiet, dull. The radio wasn’t on and rain pelted down onto the windshield that was being desperately wiped away as it coated Kara and Lena’s view. Kara looked at Lena who was focused on the road ahead of her. Lena felt Kara’s eyes burning into her and she glanced towards her smiling. Lena took one of her hands of the steering wheel and reached over to grab Kara’s hand. She pulled it up to her and kissed the back of it before giving Kara her hand back. “You should’ve let me drive.”

“Kara I’m fine right now.” Lena always tried to be optimistic, Kara wasn’t sure how but she tried for her. Kara smiled and let it go, allowing Lena to give her full attention back to the road.

 

The first time they said I love you was an accident. They had been talking after Kara had lied to Lena. Lena had asked Kara to have dinner with her mother, she initially said yes and was excited but the closer it got the more nervous she was. Last minute she told Lena she was feeling ill and couldn’t make. Lena understood and had dinner with her mum whilst Kara invited her sister around to talk to. She wasn’t counting on Lena coming over to make sure Kara was okay, she should’ve because Lena was like that. She was loving and she was kind and she put everyone before herself. Kara apologised and said she was too nervous to go. Lena didn’t shout, she wasn’t angry of such, more hurt by Kara. Alex excused herself and headed for the door in a quick fashion. Lena just questioned Kara on why she lied and nodded whilst Kara was explaining. Lena understood, she just wished Kara hadn’t lied and told her the truth. It was when Kara insisted that Lena should be angry Lena simply stated, “I love you, I’m upset you lied but I can’t be angry at you when you were just nervous.” Lena’s wide eye showed she was not meant to say that but Kara just smiled at her with watery eyes. Kara nervously whispered, “I love you too” and they both stepped forward embracing each other for a time that neither could remember.

 

The waiting room was white; probably to make the room seem bigger but Lena had never felt so enclosed in her life. She felt Kara’s sweaty palms in her own; every now and then her grip would loosen on Lena but soon after the strong grasp would come back and Kara would hold onto Lena as if she could slip away in an instant. Lena noticed Kara was just looking forward at the empty chairs that were placed in front of them. “You haven’t looked at me for the thirty minutes we’ve been sat here.”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“If I look at you I’ll start crying.”

“If you don’t look at me I'll start.” Kara turned her head to look at Lena, they didn’t say anything, just simply stared at each other, studying each other’s faces as if they were in the bar again, sneaking glances towards each other so they wouldn’t notice.

 

Kara was down the aisle first with Alex stood beside her. Her dress was tight and she had a silver tiara placed on her head, the one she and Alex had joked about getting her to wear if she ever got married. Eliza was sat in the front with J’onn and Winn next to her, Winn already crying. It was Lena’s turn to walk down, she walked alone, her own request. Lillian was sat on the other side of the aisle, tears running down her face as she watched her daughter walk to the woman she loved. Alex smiled at Lena as beauty radiated off of her. And then there was Kara who looked at her as if she had hung the stars in the sky. She couldn’t have stopped the tears falling if she had tried. When Lena got to her she was still speechless, and once again they just stared at each other as if everything in the world was gone and it was just the two of them.

 

“Mrs and Mrs Luthor, if you’d like to come in,” the doctor with a warm voice said. Lena’s legs buckled as she stood up and Kara steadied her and then they both walked through the door hand in hand. The doctor gestured to the seats and the both sat down, still entwined with each other. Kara fiddled with her wedding ring on her free hand as the doctor began to talk to them in a soft tone. “It’s chronic obstructive pulmonary disease.”

“You want to say that in English,” Kara snapped

“Darling,” Lena whispered to her soothingly and rubbed her thumb over Kara’s hand.

“It’s emphysema which is damage to the air sacs in the lungs. I don’t mean to be blunt but if we don’t do something about it now Mrs Luthor, it will most probably develop into lung cancer. Around 80% of people survive at least five years after being diagnosed but after then we aren’t really sure.” 

“What do we do? How do we stop it from turning into lung cancer?” Kara demanded.

“For starters, Mrs Luthor you need to stop smoking for sure. There’s no discussion you have to stop. We can sign you up for pulmonary rehabilitation-,”

“What is that?” Kara interrupted.

“It’s a specialised program of exercise and education that can help with controlling it. Lastly, we’re going to put you into surgery.”

“Surgery?” Lena finally spoke in a small whisper.

“It’s not a first choice Mrs Luthor but it’s rather severe and we can’t do much if it continues.”

“Then we’ll do it,” Kara exclaimed.

“Kara hold on, we need to hear what it is.”

“Lena-,”

“Kara please.” Lena gestured for the doctor to continue.

“So essentially it is a lung volume reduction surgery. We would remove part of the lung to make room for the rest of the lung to breathe. We’ll have to wait a few months, smokeless months to be exact and we can do it.”

“Sounds complicated,” Kara spoke quietly after the Doctor finished.

“It is, and not 100% effective in everyone which is why it’s never really a first option.” Kara and the Doctor spoke back and forth for a few more minutes, exchanging questions and information whilst Lena sat frozen. Her body felt like it was submerged in water. She hadn’t even noticed the journey from the Doctor’s office back to the car.

Kara opened the door for Lena and took her hand as soon as she got out the car. Their house was a couple of paces away but Kara didn’t care. She flicked the kettle on and looked at Lena from across the kitchen. She had her back towards her and was looking out the window. Kara slowly walked over to her and wrapped her arms around her waist. “You always said those damn things would kill me.” Kara closed her eyes and pressed her nose into the side of Lena’s head.

“Lena please,” she begged. “Don’t joke about this.” Lena placed her hands over Kara’s and held them tightly. “You’ll get the surgery and it’ll work and we can look at the future again. We can have children and dogs and cats and we can be the moms at the PTA meeting that everyone loves and I can have a lifetime of looking at you saying that’s my wife. And our kids will grow old and watch us fall in love over and over and then when the time comes and we’re old and grey, then we can go together. You’re my forever.”

“Okay,” Lena said with a thick voice. “We can get through this, just promise me one thing?”

“Anything my love.”

“Don’t let go of my hand throughout this.”

“Never.”

 

6 years had passed and Kara sat smiling at Lena holding her hand. She wasn’t one to break a promise. Alex smiled at the two who were quietly talking to each other and walked quietly out of the room. She walked over to where Maggie was sat. “So?”

“It’s just a waiting game now Mags.” Maggie’s head dropped and Alex placed an arm around her shoulders.

 

Kara was playing with Lena’s fingers and they were speaking about the first time they had met, laughing at the fact they both fell in love with the first glance. Kara grasped Lena’s hand tightly when Lena’s breath hitched. “Are you okay?” she said with worry. Lena nodded but they both knew she was lying. 

The surgery didn’t work and like the doctor said the disease progressed into cancer. Lena felt something was wrong before the doctor had even told her but Kara was always so positive, she was always looking for the bright side even when no one else could find it. Lena had spent 5 years fighting the disease and each day it got harder but she kept going for Kara.

Kara looked at Lena who looked as if she was in pain as she was trying to move to the side of her hospital bed, making room for Kara. She patted the space she had just made. Kara wanted to refuse and tell her the doctor would be angry and that Lena wouldn’t be comfortable, but deep down Kara knew what was coming. She slowly settled down and Lena rested her head on her shoulder and Kara wrapped her arms around her making sure to hold on to her hand. “Hey Kara,” Lena said weakly.

“Yes love?”

“You just make sure you never let go.”

“I promised you didn’t I?” Lena smiled and started to close her eyes. “Are you tired,” Kara asked with a lump in her throat. Lena just replied with a noise. “Go to sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up, still holding your hand.” Lena’s breaths evened out and got slower and Kara started to cry. “A long time ago I promised you that when we’re old and grey we’d go together. My love, we may not be old and we may not be grey but it’s okay, I know you’re in pain. You can let go, I won’t be mad we broke a promise because I’ll come with you. I might be a little late, but I swear I’ll find you Lena Luthor. I love you, I love you.”

Alex watched the nurse rush passed them and she stood up quickly to follow her but the nurse stopped at the door and pressed a hand to her heart and then looked towards Alex with sadness in her eyes. Alex slowly walked forwards and looked into the room. Kara was holding Lena tightly in her arms as tears fell quickly down her face. Lena was limp. “I didn’t let go Alex,” Kara choked out. “I promised I wouldn’t.” And Alex cried as she watched her sister holding her wife for the last time.

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is @wellpuffmycream so if you wanna play doctor and teach me feel free  
> hope you enjoyed and if not my bad


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